Surpassing the limit between fantasy and reality

Moved

2008-01-01T16:35:00.000+08:00

Moved to http://neko-rei.blogspot.com

Self adversive bra

2007-12-20T20:44:00.000+08:00

I was going to wear a gown and with those attached on bras. So I went on a hunt to get one. And I got this.

Wah! Comes in so many sizes. Pai seh, I had to get the smallest size there is. Wah! Got pushed-up effect somemore, I finally will have cleavage!

So I just stick on my boobs, right? Sounds easy enough. Even ~~an idiot~~ I can do that.

So this is how it looks like after taking it out of the box.

Removing the plastic and finally going to attached it to my ~~ping-pong sized~~ little girls'. I can't wait.

...
Before

After

Hey! Where's my cleavage? Where's my B cup? I see no difference..

I was hoping for...

Clearly, that's not going to happen.

Wedding cum Xiah's birthday celebration

2007-12-18T17:16:00.000+08:00

I got canceled again. Oh, how I missed clubbing. I used to be an avid clubber, I think. 15.12.2007 was Xiah's birthday. And I thought I'll celebrate it by dancing around in some club holding a bottle of beer on one hand. I'm afraid that it didn't turned out the scenario I wanted. So I settled with going to a wedding of a cousin I didn't know existed.

This was the scenario I had in mind.

You know how wedding can be ~~utmostly~~ boring. Uh huh, it was a little boring. There was a way, of course, to amuse myself. It was none other than... ~~super adorable flirtatious~~ cute guys!

I spotted two. And both of them are photographers. How sexy is that. (Heck, I sounded like Paris Hilton then.)

He's a korean! At least, he looks like one.

Sorry, I couldn't capture their faces at all. T.T

I was cam whoring myself too.

Then there was the food.
I like this gooey jellyfish looking food.

Prawns, of course.

Oh yeah! Shark find soup!

Before.

After.

Now this is just obscene.

Does this remind you of something?

I treated myself to some wine.

Bottoms up!

Want to get a date?

2007-12-15T12:15:00.000+08:00

Of course, this is for those troubled men out there. Now that you have realized that women nowadays are different in sort of an intimidating way, you are dumb-found, and that -- leads to, ultimately, dateless.

Ah, so you are in that kind of situation, that is why you are still reading this. The first thing to do is the analyze where you went wrong. And that is, believing women is still the same as before.

Women Before
1. Women believed that they should wed when they are in their 20's.
2. If you have an intimate relationship, they are yours for the taking.
3. They are easy.
4. They demand commitment.
5. They are dependent.

Women Now
1. They wouldn't consider marriage before their career settles down.
2. It doesn't mean that after you get intimate with them, you will have their hearts too.
3. They are not easy. They are intimidating and you feel some-what inferior.
4. They don't necessarily want commitment.
5. They are independent.

You don't want to admit it but you need help. Hey, there's nothing wrong with seeking for a little advice when you are in trouble. Even girls seek girlfriend's advice on, uh, on practically everything. I know just the place to go to -- The Modern Man. You'll be the ladies' man in no time. But of course, you'll need to know how to get dates, the right way, no doubt.

Now that you are living in the modern world, it's time to make room for some new moves. Away with the old and in with the new, unless you are dating some one pretty elderly. You will get free tips via e-mail from The Modern Man.Com. You can finally get rid of...

1. your overly-shyness.

2. your stuttering.

3. your corny pick-up lines.

4. awkwardness to approach women

And perhaps find the girl of your dreams or someone that you could consider marriage with. That is after, you learn how to approach women.

So there you are, in a bar, or a restaurant or even the library, and you see this lovely little elf standing there, elegant and just sparkling. Your heart is pounding, you have sweaty palms, your feet is rooted to the ground. Her gaze could just kill you!

You want to muster all the courage you have to talk to her, start a little conversation to hear her voice, and initially, get a date. But your sweaty palms are making you lose focus, lose words to say, lose your calm and most likely, lose the girl.

Here's some easy tips on how to start a conversation, without making a fool out of yourself, of course. The hardest is always the first step -- or in this case, the first words. Overcoming that, nothing should be a problem.

Next thing you'll know, you have got the girl!

If I were Xiah JunSoo's girlfriend

2007-12-14T18:01:00.001+08:00

I wonder what life would be like if i was xiah's ~~non-existant~~ imaginative girlfriend.

For those who don't know who is Xiah JunSoo, he's a member of TVXQ. Please refer to my previous post here.

Here's an adorable picture of my ~~non-existant~~ imaginative boyfriend.

So here's a list of what favorable things that would happen if I were Xiah's girlfriend.

1. I get to wake up in bed next to him!

2. I get to be in the photo shoot with the group!

See me behind Max?

3. Best of all, I get to kiss xiah!

*Lousy editing, I know.

Enchanted

2007-12-09T00:32:00.000+08:00

I was wondering what the big fuss was about with 'Enchanted'. So I went to check it out.

Having no idea whatsoever what the movie was when I enter the cinema, I was ~~disgusted~~ in awe when I saw the beginning of the movie. It's so... so... princessey, like any other ~~crappy~~ fairy tales with the love-at-first-sight-and-you-are-a-beautiful-maiden-and-I'm-a-handsome-prince bit. How ~~typically stupid~~ typical.

Then they change it to the reality part. That's when I started to enjoy myself. However, the perkiness of Giselle is driving me crazy! Every time she starts talking and seeing her fairy-tale-like-and-so-exaggerated-moves that makes her ~~stupidity~~ naiveness certain, it makes me wanna ~~kill~~ slap her. But, Her perkiness is the highlight, so taking it away, will make the movie boOoring.

The songs are pretty good. Not my kind but very catchy. Especially the 'happy working song', the song that she sang when she called the vermin and cockroaches (the only animals that responded to her singing) to help with cleaning up. I find myself singing the songs without realising it.

Overall, it's an okay movie. As expected from Disney. They do make good movies.

Rei れい rates this 8.3 out of 10.

Bloggerwave

2007-12-07T20:37:00.000+08:00

"I love updating my blog ~~with endless meaningless rants~~ but I wish there's more I could do with it"

"I want to earn money online but I'm afraid it's a scam"

Does this sound like you? Then I know just the place for you -- Bloggerwave. Bloggerwave provides you the opportunity, and you just have to write about it in your blog. As simple as ~~squeezing a pimple~~ counting 1, 2, 3.

Not convinced? Not sure how it works? Then you should seek more information at Bloggerwave or click here.

All you have to do is sign up, have your blog reviewed (you'll have to keep your blog updated) and choose any jobs that suits you. You are not forced to take whatever you do not like. The choice is in your hands.

What is this? You don't have a blog? No fear, just create one today and you're good to go. It's so easy, that ~~even your monkey can do it~~ you'll regret passing a rare opportunity like this!

Angel Love Online / Angels Online

2007-12-06T18:03:00.000+08:00

Are you an MMO RPG fan? Then you're in the right place!

Angel Love Online or, Angels Online is, well, you get the idea from the name. It is set in a place called Eden. If you enjoy Ragnarok Online, you'll be sure to enjoy this.

Never played before? That's fine, too. There is a tutorial that will help you along the way while you are playing!

Imagine yourself, having a default face but nevertheless, cute one walking around, interacting with players, fighting monsters, enjoy mini games, be challenged in hunting and exploring, rear pets and many more!

For locals (Malaysia), feel free to sign up at http://www.angelloveonline.net or click here.

For Anyone, you can try the free beta that's currently running now at http://ao.igg.com/ or click here.

Talk about your food!

2007-12-05T22:02:00.000+08:00

One can now talk about what she/he eats! Share it with the world. Well, at least in Malaysia.

Be your own food critic. Delicious? Mouth watering? Scrumptious?

Had Italian food at Warisan today? Heard about a Spanish restaurant that's just opened? How about home cooking?

Post your opinions only at Rave Joint. Don't hold back your thoughts, release them, share it with the world today!

Rave Joint, where food matters.

Blogsvertise

2007-12-05T18:57:00.000+08:00

I was thinking about getting a job online recently. I didn't know what I'm capable of doing though.

I came across a home typing website. Of course, finding a company of your choice is another thing.

It was then I found an amigo - blogsvertise.

A simple matter of using your blog as an additional tool to advertise. Simple yet interesting. One you'll call worthy of your time.

SMART uniform

2007-11-20T02:39:00.000+08:00

Malaysian uniform is so dull. It's the same old same old design.

But for Korea, it's a fashion. They even have celebrities to promote their school uniform. Oh boy, do I wish uniforms were a fashion here.

Uniforms just couldn't be cooler!

LG Shine KE970 (TVXQ edition)

2007-11-15T04:34:00.000+08:00

This, I'm definitely going to add to my wishlist.

I have always been fond of LG phone designs. On top of that, my favourite celebrity is featuring this phone. That includes my new love , Xiah JunSoo.

That sleek design is the most! So tell me, what's your dream phone?

My new love

2007-11-13T20:22:00.000+08:00

I have found my ~~true~~ new love.

Taa-daa.

Xiah JunSoo from TVXQ.

Okay okay, it's unrealistic to fall for a celebrity, but hey, a girl can dream, right? After all, he's my McDreamy and there's nothing you can do about it. Haha.

Those thich eye brows. Those luscious lips. This tiny single eyes lids. What can you not love?

Oh, that angelic smile. That beautiful duck ass.

I don't believe in happy-ever-afters but I do believe that fate is in your hands. We'll definitely meet some day. Mark my words.

I'm back to my hometown

2007-11-08T21:55:00.000+08:00

I have just finished my exams and I'm back to my hometown.

My flight was okay but it got delayed for 30 miutes. Come to think of it, I arrived 4 hours too early to the airport. Silly me.

And now I shall celebrate 3 days 3 nights.

Of chopsticks

2007-10-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

As some of you may know, I'm a chopsticks kind of person. But I'm aware that alot of people do not know the dangers of reusing the wooden chopsticks.

If you happen to have a chance; you can try to soak disposable chopsticks (usually they gave you when you order takeaway) for 3 to 5 minutes in hot water, and you will see bleach detergent dissolved in the hot water from the chopsticks.

If you can prepare your own chopsticks at your office, it's not only environmental friendly and it's for your own good.

Almost majority of disposable chopsticks are made in and imported from china. Before the production, the raw materials itself already is grown with germs that are in multiple colors (fungus), and the first process was to put in chemicals to preserve the materials then after that they are washed with bleach (which are believed to be thousands times over the standards). And guess what? These chemicals could cause cancer, Carcinogen.

So take care of yourselves, and be careful.

Exam week

2007-10-21T22:04:00.000+08:00

It's exam week. Won't be updating for two weeks. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Here's a little motivation though.

COME ON, GET WITH IT!

Howard Hendricks
From Teaching to change lives

Not too long ago, I lost one of my best friends, a woman eighty-six years old, the most exciting teacher I've ever been exposed to.

The last I saw her on planet earth was at one of those parties. We were sitting there on eggshells, looking pious, when she walked in and said, “Well, Hendricks, I haven't seen you for a long time. What are the five best books you've read in the past year?”

She had a way of changing a group's dynamics. Her philosophy was, Let's not bore each other with each other; let's get into a discussion, and if we can't find anything to discuss, let's get into an argument.

She was eighty-three on her last trip to the Holy Land. She went there with a group of NFL football players. One of my most vivid memories of her is seeing her out front yelling back to them, “Come on men, get with it!”

She died in her sleep at her daughter's home in Dallas. Her daughter told me that just before she died, she had written out her goals for the next ten years!

What kind of flower are you?

2007-10-17T17:34:00.000+08:00

What kind of flower are you?

The Wild Rose

Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLD)

shmolorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose.

Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of man. Hoping to gather you up, he flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing his love. Then you make him bleed. Why? Because you're the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling.

You don't seem to take yourself too seriously, and that's refreshing. You aren't uptight; you don't over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn't a top priority--a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven't had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You're very selective.

The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You're out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone.

Your exact female opposite:

The Dirty Little Secret

Deliberate Gentle Sex Master

Always avoid: The Bachelor (DGSM)

Consider: The Vapor Trail (RBLM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

I'm wild and you?

http://www.okcupid.com/online.dating.persona.test

Bad manners

2007-10-11T19:53:00.000+08:00

It's Hari Raya holiday. The dormitory is cleared of people. It's time for another night outing.

Went around the drain area in the university to find and collect some 'love' seeds.

Since nobody was around, everybody turned un-ladylike.

Parental advisory! Disturbing graphics ahead, warning!

Admiring my pretty legs.

Squatting like I'm in the toilet.

Come admire my beautiful legs.

Scratching my ???

Look at my pearly whites.

Putting my foot to other uses.

Wow! A bunny rabbit.

Ice skating

2007-10-10T15:21:00.000+08:00

It's the break before exam! My pals and I decided to go ice skating.

Before that, it's time to have a meal to gain that energy.

Bon apetit.

Next for a little warming up exercise.

I'm entering my second childhood when I hadn't end my first yet.

Come and meet my date.

He's pushy, isn't he?

I thought I was doing great

until...

SPLAT!

Waiting

2007-10-06T20:52:00.000+08:00

drifting drifting drifting...

have you ever get tired of waiting..?
i know i have
when nobody match up your pace and you have to match up others in stead
and that waiting cost you to lose alot more than you already have

people always say that you wait
because you think the wait is worth it
yeah i think its worth it
but there are time we get tired of waiting
and have to be the one that being waited instead
if only they understand
waiting is tiring

because of the wait
i lost alot
alot more than i already have

even though i htikn sometimes the person is worth the wait
there are others too that would wait for the person
to follow up the person's pace
making your wait unnoticable
and those people tend to take advantage of your wait
making you feel worthless

a true fren never gets tired of waiting
i wonder where i hear this from
to actually have a break from waiting
and do things i wanted to do all along
actually feels... free..
its like going 'phew'
making me guilty thinking that my life would be better if i wouldnt have to wait
and in the same time
i was hoping the person would notice my absence and appreciate me more

Bye Mexico

2007-10-05T20:29:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day we get to see our male foreign lecturer. This is the first time I came face to face with a flirtatious and expressive lecturer.

He has exaggerating expression and action but seemingly amusing at the same time. I'm going to miss him so much ~~because I always flirt with him~~.

He is a great salsa dancer. Having that beautiful body, ~~even I as a student can't resist~~ whoever that's his wife must be very fortunate. Being Mexican, he proposed to an Australian then residing in Malaysia. What a colourful life.

This is one lecturer that teaches us to live life to the fullest, that includes going clubbing. Haha.

All good things must come to an end. I hope I can meet more 'colourful' people like my spanish lecturer, Canning.

Professor Canning and spanish coursemates.

It's good to be remembered.

2007-10-05T18:01:00.000+08:00

A silent prayer for all the women out there.

By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered,
"Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model?
That 's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish.
"But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, " that's a TEAR!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said,
"The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends.Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

IQ question

2007-10-03T20:37:00.000+08:00

Question: When the day after tomorrow is yesterday, today will be as far from wednesday as today was from wednesday when the day before yesterday was tomorrow. What is the day after this day?

Please answer and explain.

Midvalley trip

2007-10-02T19:16:00.000+08:00

Went to the department store today. With the whole gang.

I shouldn't have stuff myself with too much food though. I had trouble walking after that.

This is me (left- facing camera) who spotted some of friends taking photos suspiciously.

Then I was led by a kid to find the grocery store. Yes, a kid leading a kid.

The store was so big then we got lost. I tried not to get lost but I'm just a kid. Haha. I had to ride with mother.

She's pushing the cart while I'm on it.

It's clear that we'll surviving on instant noodles, and biscuits.

That's how us poor students live our lives.

We couldn't decide which jumbo pack tissue to buy.

Are you sure this tissue can last a year?

And when it was time to foot the bill...

Busy, busy...

Precautionary actions

2007-09-25T19:43:00.000+08:00

Women! It's time to act smart!

Here's a list of precautionary actions. Sometimes only you, can save yourselves.
I received this in my email. It made me realised that women really have to look out for one another. We're the inferior being in terms of strength. We're are the emotional being and men tend to manipulate our kindness.

1 . Tip from Tae Kwon Do :

The elbow is the strongest point on your body.

If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans .

If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,

DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM .

Toss it away from you....

chances are that he is more interestedin your wallet

and/or purse than you,and he will go for the wallet/purse.

RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,

kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole

and start waving like crazy.

The driver won't see you,

but everybody else will.This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency

to get into their cars after shopping,

eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their
checkbook,

or making a list, etc.

DON'T DO THIS!)

The predator will be watching you,
and this is the perfect opportunity

for him to get in on the passenger side,
put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.

AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR ,

LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. a. If someone is in the
car with a gun

& is pointing it to your head

DO NOT DRIVE OFF,

repeat:

DO NOT DRIVE OFF!
Instead gun the engine and speed into anything,

wrecking the car.

Your Air Bag will save you.

If the person is in the back seat

he will get the worst of it .

As soon as the car crashes

bail out and run. It is better than having them

find your body in a remote location. 5 . A few notes
about getting

into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

A.) Be aware:

look around you,

look into your car,

at the passenger side floor ,

and in the back seat

B..) If you are parked next to a big van,

enter your car from the passenger door .

Most serial killers attack their victims

by pulling them into their vans

while the women are attempting to get into their
cars.
C..) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of
your vehicle,

and the passenger side.

If a male is sitting alone

in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk
back

into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman

to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And
better paranoid than dead.) 6. ALWAYS

take the elevator instead of the stairs.

(Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the
perfect crime spot.

This is especially true at NIGHT!) 7. If the
predator has a gun and you are not under his
control,

ALWAYS RUN!

The predator will only hit you

(a running target)

4 in 100 times;

And even then, it most likely

WILL NOT

be a vital organ.

RUN,

Preferably !

in a zig -zag pattern! 8. As women,

we are always trying to be sympathetic:

STOP . It may get you raped, or killed.

Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking,

well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the
sympathies

of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a
limp,

and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with
his vehicle,

which is when he abducted his next victim.

Pirate King Online

2007-09-23T19:16:00.000+08:00

Maple Story is too much of a ~~sissy~~ simple game for me to handle. That is why I decided to move on to Pirate King Online.

But of course, it is rather similar to Trickster Online. Selection of character is rather limited. And the server seemed to be lagging all the time. Players seemed to have the tedency to use foul language. Perhaps the game masters are having a hard time maintaining the discipline.

Other than that, it's still an enjoyable game.

If you're the kind that plays alone, disregarding other players, you won't mind this game. You can access site at http://piratekingonline.com or click here.

Maple Story

2007-09-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

I had nothing to do. So I thought I may as well resume to my gaming life. Except, I forgot my username and password!

An advice to everyone out there, always, always use the same username and password for everything. You're ~~becoming an old hag~~ getting older and your memories are beginning to fail you.

So, Maple Story is some thing I consider playing when I don't want my brain to function at all. That's because it's a mindless game that you do not need to waste too much of your brain cells upon.

It is a simple 2-D MMO RPG. It's cuteness is killing.

Now Maple Story is much simpler, but if you prefer a much more complicated game, perhaps this isn't suitable for you.

But you'll never know you'll like unless you try it. Visit http://maplesea.com or click here.

Seriously, KK is not that uncivilised

2007-09-15T21:37:00.000+08:00

Came across a manga, never thought that's Japanese's impression of us sabahans.

Putra Jaya fireworks

2007-09-13T14:32:00.000+08:00

It was... disappointing.

Took 2 hours of bus ride, then another 30 minutes walk to the main building, only to catch a glimpse of the fireworks. Merely disappointing.

The only fun I had was posing in front of the camera with my friends.

Other than that, pole dancing in the bus was extremely exciting too.

The urge to live in fantasies

2007-09-10T01:27:00.000+08:00

when i was young i used to imitate those 'cool' tv shows they had
i was the yellow ranger in power rangers
i was also raphel in ninja turtles
i was also serenity in sailormoon =.=
somehow
living in fantasies seemed amusing
and that i;m all grown up ( well, 'some' parts did grow a lil)
and mature *spit your guts out! i know you all are laughing your heads off!*
still can't help having fantasies and imaginations running wild in my head

wouldn't it be fun if some fantasies were to come true in reality?

many ppl bury themselves in their own fantasies, isolated and alienated from social circles
well, that's a bad thing right
so to say, these kinda things have to have its limits
but it sure is kinda fun if , like in the manga,
some cute cute super hot guys were to be attending your school and have cool background and cool personality
and is soooooooooooooooooo deeply in love with you
imagine those dramatic scenes woah
cool le
fun le
nobody is thatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt perfect le
but if got these kind of ppl it would be so cool and fun leeeeeeeeeeeeee
it's all fantasies anyway
no way c0uld there be bishies' club in our school
*sigh
wonder if there's gonna be rpg games where as players themselves play in a fantasy game world, like in the anime 'hack sign'
wouldn't that be the ultimate??!!
wat typical thinking

anyways,
can't wait to go to japan and marry a handsome , possibly cool background guy and live happy ever after
that's no fantasy
that's gonna happen
*wink

A poem

2007-09-08T20:03:00.000+08:00

Here's a poem I did two years ago.

the wind blows
shimmer excitement in me
i turn to my left
that's no one to share
great disappointment bestow me

great moments to share
but nobody care
they'll come when
i have cash to spare

Cam whore

2007-09-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

We saw a poster in the university concerning a photo shooting competition. So we decided take a few with themes attached to it.

The attack of the luscious lips.

The frog on the bed.

The itchiness in the...

I wonder if we stood a chance in the competition?

Merdeka Day

2007-08-31T20:46:00.000+08:00

This year Malaysia has reached it's 50th year of independence. Let's go take a rest and enjoy a brief's moment of freedom.

As a Chinese Malaysian, I would still say that there are racist among our ~~so called~~ multi-racial country. The majorities are trying to control over the overpowering minorities. Even our culture are not genuine, and is adopted from other countries. At least this country tried to have an identity.

Malaysia may be a free country but it has its boundaries. However, it's not my place to talk about it. I don't want to be involved in bloglitics anyway.

So, happy 50th Merdeka!

Beautiful day

2007-08-25T22:53:00.000+08:00

Once in a while, you'll feel tired of the world. Tired of repeating your daily life, doing the same things over and over again.

You'll feel worthless, caught between fantasy and reality. That's when you need help. A prayer or a little motivation will do.

This day you'll feel like nobody understands you. Because nobody understands you the way you do, right?

So here's something to share when you feel amiss.

BEAUTIFUL DAY ISN'T IT?

Barbara Johnson

From Fresh Elastic for Stretched out Moms

The day started out rotten. I overslept and was late for work. Everything that happened at the office contributed to my nervous frenzy. By the time I reached the bus stop for my homeward trip, my stomach was one big knot.

As usual, the bus was late- and jammed. I had to stand in the aisle. As the lurching vehicle pulled me in all directions, my gloom deepened.

Then I heard a deep voice from up front boom, “Beautiful day, isn't it?” because of the crowd, I could not see the man, but I could hear him as he continued to comment on the spring scenery, calling attention to each approaching landmark. This church. That park. This cemetery. That firehouse. Soon all the passengers were gazing out the windows. The man's enthusiasm was so contagious I found myself smiling for the first time that day. We reached my stop. Maneuvering toward the door, I got a look at our “guide”: a plump figure with a black beard, wearing dark glasses, and carrying a thin white cane.

SS1 midnight snack

2007-08-22T21:30:00.000+08:00

One of my dormmates had access to a car. Thus we were on our way for some midnight munch. I must say, it's been a while since I sat or drove one. The dormitory is such a confined place that one really feels locked away from the world.

The midnight trip was refreshing. It was a feeling of relief being able to see humans again ~~rather than the same old boring faces~~.

The dormitory only serves non-pork. Oh how we missed pork. Thus, we, gluttons have put extreme weight eating a month's worth of pork to satisfy ourselves.

Enclosed is a photo of our ~~sneaky~~ trip.

Curly hair

2007-08-11T21:00:00.000+08:00

This seemed to be the curled hair season. Everybody's getting their hair curled. Even both of my sworn sisters.

I heard curly hair makes you sexier. Then again it makes you old. It depends on one's opinion.

Family photo

2007-08-04T21:01:00.000+08:00

Today for spanish class, we had to do a presentation on our own family. So I had my sister to send me a photo of our family. And she had to send me this.

I'm on the left.

A picture's worth a thousand words. But judging by the looks of my expression, I don't even know how to begin to explain. Many would definitely interpret this wrongly.

You're probably thinking;

1. She's mad with the family.

2. She owes her sister 10 thousand bucks.

3. She just had botox.

4. Her pants are on too tight.

5. That's her happy face.

But the mere truth is, I just woke up from my sleep.

Food

2007-07-29T20:02:00.000+08:00

Natalie, a classmate, bought some local food back. It was kind of her to share with us.

I'm never fond this dried food but I tried anyway. It's good to be courteous.

It's not delicious, but it's okay.

I miss my Neko

2007-07-17T22:29:00.000+08:00

I heard that my baby cat Neko had missed me oh, very much. I miss you too baby! I guess pets do sense something amiss when their owner's not around. I guess humans have friends and pets only have their owners. No wonder baby misses me, he doesn't have anyone else. Poor dear.

It's been 4 years since I had him. That little rascal. Mummy misses you too!

A new laptop

2007-07-08T21:17:00.000+08:00

My dad finally bought me a laptop. It wasn't exactly as I wanted but it's better than having none.

PROCESSOR

Intel Pentium Dual-Core Processor T2080

1MB L2 Cache , 1.73GHz ,Â 533MHz FSB

MEMORY

DDR2 512MB

STORAGE

Hard Drive 80 GB SATA HDD

OPTICAL DRIVE

Internal

DVD Super Multi Double-Layer

DISPLAY

WXGA (Ultra Bright) TFT

14.0" WXGA

CONNECTIVITY

Network / LAN

Wireless LAN / Wifi

OUTPUT

USB Ports

Serial / Parallel Ports

OTHERS

Web Cam
Card Reader

Selfish much?

2007-07-04T11:09:00.000+08:00

I was feeling a little down today. Friends called this attitude 'emo'. Maybe I should dress up gothic and all.

Decided to go out with my friends. Perhaps it'll will rid me of my mood swings. I wasn't my usual chitter-chatter self. So I had the opportunity to listen to my friend's conversation.

Well, well. Looks like everybody's not a good listener. Everybody seemed to caught up in their own world, talking about different things wanting the attention of others. Here's an example;

A: I like noodles.
B: The weather's fine today.
A: Noodles with fish is the best.
B:Looks like it's going to be a great day to do some exercise.
A: I must learn how to master the chopsticks.
B: Perhaps to the park today.
A: But chopsticks are troublesome.
B: Or maybe go climb a mountain today?

Apparently, they didn't realise they're on the same page. I hope I'm not like that. I'll try to be a good listener at it too.

Independence

2007-06-29T23:26:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the day I fly to Kuala Lumpur.

Sadly, I won't be online for about a week due to the orientation. Another reason is because i hadn't get a laptop of my own. Please continue to support me. Thank you.

I hope I survive the orientation. Rumours had it that seniors torture us juniors inhumanely. I hope the authorities had already start to take action.

Read the news on http://161.139.39.251/akhbar/educ.higher/1998/ns98603.htm or click here.

Of Languages and Linguistics

2007-06-18T18:15:00.000+08:00

I have been accepted by University of Malaya to take up the Languages and Linguistics degree, I will be majoring in Spanish.

I have just booked my ticket and I will be expecting to fly to Kuala Lumpur end of this month. Thank you everyone for your concern.

Welcome me to the world of Spanish culture.

Trickster Online

2007-06-15T15:48:00.000+08:00

After Ragnarok, there isn't another game that gives me the thrills like Ragnarok did.

Ragnarok Online

I had to find a replacement for Ragnarok.

That's when I came across Trickster Online.

I won't say that Trickster Online has replaced Ragnarok Online because to tell the truth, Trickster Online isn't as fun as Ragnarok Online because Ragnarok offers much more in graphics and system.

If you prefer a much simpler online game, I would suggest Trickster.

However, if you had played Ragnarok and loved it, you might not find Trickster as enjoyable and will tend to compare. But, you still can play Trickster to pass the time.

To begin your gaming journey, click here.

What kind of bunny are you?

2007-06-11T16:09:00.000+08:00

Was browsing through a friend's blog today, and found an interesting thing.

So, what kind of bunny are you?

I am,

which happy bunny are you?

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything. You must be so proud
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

~~Lick~~ Kiss my ass. haha.

How to 'hint' your Boss for a salary raise?

2007-06-09T20:00:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wonder on how to hint your boss for a salary raise without actually mentioning it?

Here's a tip.

Dear Bo $$,
In thi$ life, we all need $ ome thing mo$t de $perately. I think you
$hould be under$ tanding of the need$ of u$ worker $ who have given $o
much $upport including $ weat and $ervice to your company .
I am $ure you will gue $$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your $ $incerely,

Then again, your boss would probably answer you;

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has
changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NO t doing
NOticeably well as yet .

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading eco NOmists are NOt
sure if our country may go into a NOther recession. After the
NO vember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
Manager

Well, you get the idea.

Cheeselicious Cheesie's Cheeserland

2007-06-07T08:23:00.000+08:00

I don't really read people's blog. That is, other than Kenny Sia's.

I find Cheesie's blog fairly interesting. However, to me, the main attraction was her wardrobe.

Especially the special costume bit.

Oh my, I wanna buy all! Some of her clothes are available for auction.

It's not everyday when you meet someone who is beautiful, talented and smart at the same time. I do wish I could meet her in person. She seems to be an interesting person and that, you can see through the posts of her blog at http://www.cheeserland.com or click here.

Everybody's leaving

2007-06-02T14:35:00.000+08:00

Ah, we have reached the month of June. Every seems to be leaving for further studies.

This is where everybody parts. I hope my application to the university would be approved soon.

Good luck in everything, everyone!

Women vs Men

2007-06-01T08:31:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through my mails. And without thinking, I always delete all the forwarding e-mails because for me, it's a waste of time reading them.

Well, when the 'blah's are in your life, forwarded mails could cheer you up.

I found this extremely amusing.

Warning, parental advisory! Feminist and sexist may be offended.

I think I should make up an equation for men too.

Gossips at work

2007-05-28T08:40:00.000+08:00

Guess where am I now?
at work~

I blogging when ~~the scary one~~ boss is not around. I'm now working as an admin in a high school. ~~So called~~ prestigious private high school.

There is a lot going on in this school. The ~~scary one~~ boss is a nun, and she's all huggy-huggy with the students and employees, that includes me.

It's not that I hate it, but it ~~gets creepy~~ gives me the goosebumps.

Okay, since it's a private school after all. Kids are ~~little devils~~ brats here. Some even go to the extend of taking photos of students 'doing their business' in the toilets. There was one student that even threaten to hit the principal.

There was even one brat that told me that his school fees were paying my salary so I should listen to whatever he says.

Kids nowadays, I'll be lucky to survive this.

just a thought

2007-05-18T16:04:00.000+08:00

i dunno why but i have a good feeling today?
even pimples arent enough to pull me down today (oh why oh why i use that expression haha)
its that kind of feeling that nothing can bring me down
hehe
but saying it now might mean my mood might be brought down later
its kinda like a jinx
if you're saying you're happy now
something will come along and bring me you down
its jinx
so touch wood touch wood
gotta go, listening to my fav song
P.diddy feat. christina aguilera - tell me
move that body yay baby

simple conflictless day

2007-05-16T14:35:00.000+08:00

ahh..
today its those peaceful day where nothing big happens
just having simple conversations of works undone
smiling at the principal treating the students like little kids
all these doesnt happen in my previous school
heck, the principal won't even know i was a student for 7 years
i think that's what i lack in my life
'acknowledgment'
acknowledgement of my existence in my family, school and social circle
i suffer lack of attention in my family when i was the only child sent to a government school
i travel to school by school bus and is mostly start class in the afternoon
when i wake up everybody is gone and then i'll be back home 'round 8 night
i guess there's where i can't get along with my siblings
i dun communicate
then i got transfered by force to a school nearby my moved house
i had to freaking walk to school
i, having to walk and the only child in a government school
compared to my siblings who had my parents to send them to school
and plus a prestiges private school
as a child i feel wounded and left sided
alienated
although i do carry the privileges of graduating from a government school now
i cant help wonder why was i the only one sent to a different fate
asking them questions concerning this would only lead them to say how much in benefit i am
but that's not what i wanna hear
at the time when they sent me there they dunno the benefits yet
so what was their actual and primary reason of sending me apart!?
alas, i'll be left to know that im not good enough for any of them

then there's acknowledgment in school
i guess i was a nobody there
lastly social circle
i suffer for acceptance, that, until now, i still hadnt get it
i guess, people die for acknowlegment..

cooped up

2007-05-15T16:04:00.000+08:00

i dunno if im punishing myself
or the rumours is killing me causing a mental breakdown
or my confidence gets the second crush due to my facial breakdown
but whatever it is
i refused to go out (even if im forced to go out, eg to work, i wear a cap)
or be in interaction with others
ppl send msg or call me (not that there's much anyway)
i either dun answer or reply slowly or no reply at all
that's how i am these days
gloomy and moppy
its not like im pissed at anyone
just that
i dunno..
i feel so confused
i find myself enjoying the company of much older ppl
maybe i am turning old from all these experience
tired of the conflict world and such
i even find myself adoring and admiring an old man (teacher)
makes me wanna pamper him for some reason just to win his smile
his smile is so warm.. so real.. no hidden meaning behind that smile..
i love it so much!
i fell in love with his beautiful beautiful smile
just his smile is enough to cause me to do anything for him..
if he would pat my head and call me a good girl i would be in cloud nine
sometimes i feel like im waiting to be saved
but then again
i gotta be tough
i aint no cinderella
maybe im just too tired of the world right now
and im finding comfort with people who are much more interested in finding company rather conflict ( yes, elderly ppl)
one thing i do know is that im stressing out much more than i ever imagine
because i wake up one morning only to find 5 ulsers in my mouth my face all breakdown and my body exhausted like hell..
this mental thing is taking my physicality down
its gonna take time till i be ready to face the world again
or any other ppl
especially after how i screwed up big time!

not again

2007-05-12T20:29:00.000+08:00

what am i doing again?
screwing up my life over and over again
im so screwed and torn up!

of gossips and rumours

2007-05-12T14:18:00.000+08:00

you know
when you come to think logically
gossips and rumours are often ppl's best topic
after all
if you have nothing better to do
or you have others to have an agreement or to verify your statement
gossips often comes in handy
that's why
there's no one who's never been gossiped about or gossip bout other ppl before
everybody's doing it, everybody falls victim on it
so heck
why do ppl do it?
some say the root lies on envy
some say they just wan somebody to verify and comfirm their statement of a certain someone
some say they wanna ruin a person's reputation
some say they dun have anything better to do
some uses it to hide own's weakness by revealing other ppl's weakness just to prove they're the stronger in society
some uses it to stable their confidence by trashing others
ppl cant live without gossip
you know, those juicy bit
where you trash ppl eating them alive behind their back
regardless whether it would ruin their frenship with the concerned
but heck so why do i even bother?
why does it hurt me so?
heck, because i freaking care!

yet, another day

2007-03-14T21:17:00.001+08:00

this trip turn out to be one of the worse trip i ever had
'be open be open' you say
my patience is being tested by the minute and i dunno how long i can take it anymore
actually i kind reached my limit few days back
but heck
tried to be strong
but its well nobody notice anyway
people would just think i'm a whiny kid
but anyway
i know what step i took to change myself
progress is slow
but i tried hard
you cant possibly expect me to change overnight do you?
i have nothing to offer to men's sensory pleasure anyway
no beauty
no personality
no body
which all leads to no privilege
this is how an ugly has to survive
this trip this trip
i hate it so much!
i see no point being here
i see i have no frens
i already know that
but seeing it with my own eyes means i cant deny it any further
i have no frens
thou shalt pity me

ta -ta for now

2007-03-06T19:41:00.000+08:00

well im off to kl in a few hours
its not permenant
just two weeks of wasting
mm
abit of money issue
but i think i'll handle well
and no, i dun plan to hook up some rich guy to be my holiday bf so he can pay my expenses
although it sounds tempting but i tell you
i ain't the kind that has the ability to catch ppl's attention
and have a beauty to help me do it *wink wink*
anyhow
i think im a bit soft hearted when in comes to frens
desperate for really really true and close frens
when they come to me with problem
i try to act cool with it
they come to me for cash
and im thinking 'big deal, money can earn back what'
but wait
there's another lesson to be taught here
money will always be a sensitive issue
so, must always remember
you wanna help a fren it's fine
just be careful with it
its hard to ask it back hor..
and i have loads of frens shooting me for borrowing hard cash
but i think that if you realy care for this money
then money shouldnt be an issue
jsut that..
be smart lar
well i lack that
and an advice for you readers is
when you borrow money to ppl,
just keep in mind that,
there's a 70% chance t6hat your money won't come back
so when you lend out your money
the word 'lend' could mean 'give'
=p

and off i go

2007-03-06T19:25:00.000+08:00

well, i dunno how so suddenly it came to me that im a selfish bitch
i realise that i show different personalities to different people
it's funny in a way
how come i can be so dam shameless and confident in front of a bunch of people
and very shy and quiet in front of another?
it is their confidence aura that threatens me?
i wonder why
anyhow,
as my eyes move from room to room
i realise
these are the people that i dun normally share interest with
these arent the people i normally share interest with either
then who do i share interest with
it's like caught between two worlds
the naughty one and the super nice one
i feel like im in between
in between is like being no where
it's like an important role yet insignificant
its hard to explain
let's take the jane eyre novel for an example
she's a government
a highly priced profession
well needed to educate rich brats
but is tainted at and stuf
im not saying im having that kind of status
im just saying im having that kind of feeling
in the middle of nowhere
not accepted in neither ways
well
i know every being in this planet craves for acceptance
why do ppl work hard to be accepted?
aha! to get attention to be noticed!
why?
to be loved..
why love...?
because your existence would be such a dull and you would come to a point in life that you feel life's not worth the living and heck why waste your life when you can end it right?!?!
WRONG! (heck at this point i dunno wat im mumbling about)
beings crave for fulfillment of the starvation of the soul
if suicide means the ending of everything
then wat would you end up to be?
having to realise in the end suicide din solve anything and made the situation all worse?
how would you end the thirst of your heart
the answer has always been this simple,
to be ACCEPTED
from ages to ages men have suffered just to be accepted in society, family, community etc you get the idea
but how many ppl has actually been aware of ?
sadly to say
i bet its only a bundle of dam lucky ones
i myself still struggle on the purpose of me being here
i certainly have no achievement here in all my life
i cause destruction
but then again
it reminds me of the song that caught my attention today
'... what if there was only happiness, then there won't be anyone crying?..'
or something like that
cant remeber
old fart's mind's betraying me
if there was only happiness, there wont be sorrow
if there wont be sorrow
what ppl would known happiness
happines would come like a bliss
who wont want happiness then
everyone would probably wanna get happier than 'happiness'
perhaps up to the level of 'high'
where idiots would be doing drugs and tramps would be doing sex as a daily routine
schools would be teaching how to be happy by teaching kids to masturbate
well this is how corrupted the world can be
well, now i totally dunno what im talking about
this is what happened when a girl wanna express yet dunno wat the hell she's talking about

and again.

2007-03-05T10:08:00.000+08:00

it's been some time since i updated..
its funny, when im dam happy,
i dun really see the mood to blog or anything
but these few days has been a drag
real drag
my random emotional breakdown has gotten to me again
i have frens issue
confidence issue
bitches issue
and here comes my blogging
you know how pretty girls get all the priviledges in life?
well, guess what?
all the uglies suffer
and im well aware that i am one of the uglies
standing next to a gorgeous fren
or your pretty sister
makes you look so dull
even your own frens seemed to prefer your pretty sister or your other pretty frens than you
discouraging enough?
its like, i crave for true frens to the soul
but i stil cant find it
perhaps i lost it
low self esteem
low self confidence
low security
i am also well aware of
but the fact is
no matter how high i build confidence
in the end it'll be crushed by the true fact that ppl hate me becos im a bitch or cos im ugly
uglies need spunk to survive in this world!

oh yeah, the bitches that caused trouble at my workplace
are getting obnoxious
every single day
whether its true or not
there's always a complain
correction, complainS!
i skipped work today, couldnt bear to face them,
although for the past few weeks
i put on a pretend mask, smiling sarcasticly at them
they are really pulling down my confidence level
enough with being ugly
now i have no confidence in handling anything at all

i know i tend to be possessive
i know that
even towards frens
i'll try keep an open mind
even if your good frens are even closer to their frens than you
i know i have to expand my social circle
so i dun feel like the end of the world when your frens care more on other frens
jealousy sigh

as terrible as my days can be
there's always a sweet memory that sent sweetness down my spine to my heart
on my birthday
well actually before my birthday
steph organized some surprise party for me
well actually i cant handle surprises
i dunno how to react to them..
brought the whole gang,
but its funny that she brought random groups,
was so dam worry ppl would get bored,..
anyway i hadnt got to the sweet part yet
we went out played some pool
and when i got back
there was a present on my bed
and i was thnking 'could it be my mum or sister'
the wrapping was so special that i couldnt resist to open it right away
you know i hated ppl who gave photo frames bcos i dunno whr to put them
but this was special
it was a picture of last year's b'day celebration..
organised by him
the next thing i know
tears started flowing down my cheek
and i tot i was heartless, ha!
under the photo frame was some travel sick pills and a guidepaper of the LRT
it was simple but the thought sent real warm feelings to my heart
there was a letter in it
reading it thru and thru set tears flowing endlessly
it was the best present of them all
best of the best
you could give me diamonds, you could give me the latest anime, you could give me millions,
but nothing can beat this present
the only present that touched me
the photo frame won first place on my shelf
the letter, the pills, the LRT guide?
treasured away in my cabinet where i often open up to check on it thru and thru
it still sends a warm feeling in my heart
but in a way
it also tore my heart apart
it reminds of the relationship that i didnt cherish enough
it reminded me of the chance i threw away
it reminded me how i hurt someone so much that i also can feel his pain
it reminded me how naive i was
how selfish i was
but now reality shook me and made me face the fact that i wil never have him back..
(dear readers, let me pause for a moment, as tears start to flow endlessly again)
-a moment of silence please-
i have been listening to news about him from frens
pretending that i didnt care
but the fact is
i do care
and was jealous when i hear how intimate the girls were to him
but what can i do?
i threw it away with my bare hands
and i myself was to blame
i cant deny the feelings i have for him
i also cant change the fact that my chance is wayyyy over
on chinese new year,
i didnt think he was also coming to teacher's place
when he shook my hand saying greetings
it broke my heart
i duno why but i can feel the barrier from him
the shaking of hands was cold.. real cold that it went down my spine
i can see tat i still am possessive towards him..
shame on me..
i also hate to see my sister flirt with my ex!
possessive..
the bitch that i am..

another update

2007-01-20T19:26:00.000+08:00

heh, new year
but hadnt update didnt i
well
kinda gotten lazy to come online
let's see
what's happening in my life?
it's hard to say
im now a teacher in a kindergarten sch
where as my mum is the principal (totally annoying)
kids are driving me nuts
and parents are well,
they dun trust me
why?
cos i look freaking young!
young = incapability
totally not helping..
anyway
social life..
well
yeah!! im back to clubbing!!
and enjoy it even more
totally flirting with guys
but..
no suitable candidate lerr
no target lerrr
so sad heh
anyway
maybe it's better this way
since its so dam hard to maintain a steady relationship
im not ready for it
so.. here goes larrr
watever comes comes larr
i guess university is the hottie paradise.. right..
haha
anyway
just have to wait for fate
funneeehhh
im going to return to dancing
i really forgotten how it felt like to move your body with the music..
and how good it feels..
i need that back.,..
gimme my music back!
im coming home baby!

New year resolutions

2006-12-31T21:29:00.000+08:00

okie, its gonna be bye bye to 2006 and helo to 2007
honestly,
it's not gonna be such a big difference
resolutions resolutions resolutions
i forgot what i wished for last year
but im thinking
it has something to do with 'upgrading' myself
well, i did change
for better or for worse?
well you be the judge
i somewhat liked the changed self
but mostly hate myself for the monster i've become
seriously
i dunno what i have been doing
3 relationships in a year
omg!
i didnt even realise
the good news is
i've become a better accomplish lover
i mean,
i know i stank in treating bf
i kinda amend myself in that
im pleased with the progress
but im just trying to hard to change myself to a good gf
heck,
i din even pay attention to my own feelings
glad that's over
but heck,
3 relationships in its ruins..
ish, hurt so many people
my first resolutiobn is probably
amending my relationship with the ones i hurt
for now..
there's one more
but i wonder
will the barrier between us be taken down?
i dunno..
my 2nd resolution
concentrate on ma studies!
right!
i need to find the right group of study group this time
i mean,
i've been so laid back
this year i didnt hang out with the nerd group
that's a BIG mistake
im afraid to look at my results now
but lets hope for the better
i hope i get into ukm or um..
im putting great hopes on myself
MmM
resolutions
i think i'll just stick to trying to become a better person in every single way
anyway
moving on,
been hanging with my past ex's (well 'cept one, working on that)
i now believe that ex makes the BEST of frens
i duno,
i understand them more
and yeah,
they're more daring to taint me
perhaps that was the mistake there
that, i nevr understand them completely before i engage into a relationship
well
that's gonna change
i should take my time and understand them
who knows?
everybody deserves a second shot at anything
it's amazing when you dunno what's coming your way..
sigh it's sad when your 'fun' buddies are leaving to continue studies or watever
we're getting old and we'll probably not behave like kids again
well i cant wait to be accept in da local uni in west m'sia
then maybe i can relive my youth again
i like discovering the new me..
with sean yew - they keep track of my life and we talk bout everything
with kim and mel - i'm well relaxed and be myself to the fullest (yes, the whacky louise) and ppl look up to me
with aaron - i enjoy our intellectual talks although i m not in the same level with him (he's more intelligent) i can be 'me' when im with him.. im gonna miss you, you're leaving tomoro..
with von - very observant, gives me opinions and advices that's really appliable, vry cool to hang out with but.. she got busy social life woah!
with jonathan alvin gerard ++ church group - you ppl are unpredictable
with ian - gorgeous voice, glad to see you open up more to us/me, i look forward to seeing you again ,sadly he's leaving tomoro with aaron too =(
with steph - i know you've been there for me =)
with 'k' - you have done so much.. you mean so much.. wish i could have done the same.. hope we patch things up soon
with kambing lisa - you ppl so out of the blue, yeah will help whenever you call me and i'll call you when i need to punch somebody
with huey ye and tty - thanks for being there when i need somebody
with eric - show me your sexy body, miss living together!
with rock - hey, see ya soon! good to know you dun avoid me anymore
with ching ching mei jin mei juin lok hwa ying shin - so long no see horr.. wan go out out horr
happy new year everybody
and i look forward to meeting all of you soon
that is,
before i disappear completely to kl or out the country =)

Just Like Any Other Day

2006-12-16T10:24:00.000+08:00

today is like any toher day
may or may not go out..
well it doesnt matter because it would still bore me
and christmas doesnt feel like christmas i wonder why?
maybe i cant get into the mood
i cant go christmas shopping either
no money how to buy haha
but very sorry towards those that already buy present for me
wow
you guys really like buying presents!
and i dun feel like driving
though i think alot of ppl has become my driver
so sorry but i just dun feel like driving..
well
one big news is that i broke up
another big news is im already half way over it
i guess im not cut out for this dating business
yeah i totally got dumped again
i dun think i make a good gf
so i may lay off the whole dating thing
then again
it's hard to say
well
you cant predict what's coming to you
just enjoy life and careful not to get hurt
anyway,
my pride and dignity scattered but am picking up the pieces now
god,
i wished i hadnt hurt so many ppl
me and the recently broke up one are still good buddies.. he calls once in a while
but me with 'k'.. things dun seemed to get any better..
i kinda wonder if things wil ever patch up between us
honestly, i doubt
missing the chance to take graduation photos with him
like hell
i know i shouldnt be mourning for the loss
since i guess its my fault after all
but heck..
i dunno larr
thigns dun go my way lerrr
it always hadnt..

all rests in love

2006-11-28T20:08:00.000+08:00

there's always two sides in a story
which do you prefer?
i prefer the one with rainbows and a bright sky
yeah totally
avoid conflict
i mean
it isnt a question of pride or winning an arguement
its what you gain frm everything
so wat if i will lose my pride everything
it doesnt matter
it isnt worth losing a frenship i obviously cherish
its not bout being calculative
its bout giving
selflessness
so everybody have a piece of selfishness in each other
but bear in mind
forgive and forget
i definitely have a lot to learn
i sarcrifice because i wan to
not because i have to
frenship is not so
i wan to do this because i love you
i have a choice to become who i wan
and i have been an ass a bitch or watever its called
anyhow
the matter isnt about who is right or wrong
it isnt bout who is taken advantage of or given the advantage
its about having a big heart
be who you are
and who you wan to be
take a leap and cherish ppl around you
because they make who you are
learn from them
mistakes and goodness
then you'll be like Blake (some famous guy in the english literature thing)
'see the world in a grain of sand, see heaven on the petal of a flower'
i know i can be a bigger person than that .. i know i can grow up!

it has always been there

2006-11-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

insecure ..
my handphone, silent as can be
is the proof of nobody wan to be in contact with me
picture,
nobody has invite me to take photos with them
because im a figure meant to be forgotten
nobody wans to remember a whiny, complaining selfish kid.
graduation
i actually feel very depress unable to partake..
seeing ppl's enthusiasm putting them in in frenster and blogs
made me felt worse
it could be better off this way
im meant to be forgotten anyway
few years down the line
nobody would know i even exist
swift and silently i leave..
who am i anyway?
a person worth to befriend
no
im just a nobody
more and more like a baby
crying over every little thing
i dunno who i am anymore
when im laughing
i can actualy feel my depression
and the crying of my soul
wat's happiness to me?
yet, nobody wans to know
hahaha
pathetic as it seems
nobody will have to know
the pain and sufferings inside
im not the only one suffering in the world anyway
nobody will need to know that there's anyone suffering now
because it wont mean to anyone at all
everybody's suffering
so why bother with mine?
should take care of those having worse problems than mine
im just nothing
a nobody
if my suffering could exchange with somebody's happiness
then so be it
it doesnt matter
pretending can be such a habit
masking my emotion would be perfect
since being myself only leads to more backstabbing and foul talking
why not be something ppl wish you to be
a stereotype
a machine to entertain ppl
without thinking of my ability and inability
do drugs do robbing live life on the edge
it doesnt matter
its not like someone would care
the desperate things i do to get frens
haha
i need them yet i cant wan them
unless i change myself to please them
i change too much until i dunno wats it like to be me again..
im lost..
but who cares right?
i dun even care anymore..
anyway,
back to becoming the good girl ppl wish me to be
till next time,
if there're any reader (i doubt)
i'll play push ups with my cheeks
and put on my best show
ciaoz

sa rang hae yo

2006-11-05T00:19:00.000+08:00

is it too much to ask for one sms every three days
to show abit of affectionate?
to bloody show you care the least bit?
i guess so
so insecure..
i hate this..
caught in between my own game
i think..
im losing..

Life's full of crap

2006-11-01T20:50:00.000+08:00

happy b'day to a special person^^
nobody wans to be alone during their b'day huh?
yap i so agree!
one must not be alone on one's b'day
hope that your day was a great one!

sigh,
anyway
back to my life story
another week of hell for me
endless blastings from my parents
i really REALLY wanna move out for the sake of peace and quiet
the shouting begins at dawn and screamings last till night
sarcasm and hysteria screams
no wonder i cant really take it anymore
useless. Useless. USELESS!
that's wat i was being called every single day at least three times
Good for Nothing, Sore Eye, Wanna Slap You
is all i the 'compliments' i could get
as calm as i am in these screams as if im the one they're scolding
it's kind like 'ouch' when they say that my presence made them wanna hit me
MmMm..
even studying pisses them off
so i dun think i can do anything that's pleasing for them
i REALLY do wanna move out
so i can avoid being the sore eye as they said i was
i doubt they allow
but i'll definitely need the peace and quiet i could get
in order to study
i rahter be ignored completely
then being blast with sarcasm blames and screams
sigh
how my mother would always like to remind how old i am
and how little or in this case, NOTHING
that i had achieve
in conclusion
she calls me USELESS
a WORTHLESS piece of junk
that cant even do hard labour
she wans me to get out of her sight
but never let me be excused to my room to have my own moment
she never fail to remind me
how meaningless i am in this family, community and world
'love thy family and be true'
its easy to love but hard to get along
so maybe they love me
and im sorry to say
we totally cant get along
afte the exam
i'll be looking for a place to bulk in
i just cant stand it anymore!
if i could i would move out now..
it has always been my dream since i was 10 ..

i am a very moody person
i depend on mood swings when i study
and now
i totally got in down side of it
ths is not looking good
think im gonna stay long hours in sch and find some way to get out to study at night
then again,
i have NO friends
so there's practically NOBODY to look for!
har ahr!
in my own face!
fuck!

yet, another set back

2006-10-25T18:30:00.000+08:00

today well..
it SUCKS!
in stead of elaborately explaining in proper ways
i'll just say it
SUCKS!
S.U.C.K.S!!
im tired of pretending that im okay
that my relationship with my family is totally okay
that im okay with all my frens
who am i to kid?
myself!
these few days i hadnt quite been myself
when ppl asked me something
i'll have to think consciously, reasonably
not instinctively
just to answer to question to their liking
not to my liking
i wonder if others sense my recent moodiness
but i guess they did
since i kept hearing them say
'did you enjoy yourself?'
'how was your day?'
'had fun?'
as much as i would like to give a positive answer
inside me
it hadnt been the least bit fun
i was just playing push ups with my lips and cheek
even the happiest moments was just an okay moment for me
somethings seems to be holding me back to have joy to the fullest
well
i dun wanna think bout that
since its my problem i'll have to deal with it
one thing's for sure
im certainly am in bad term with my parents
with their empty promises for giving me the lavish prom i wished for since last year
this year's a worse one than last year's
i hadnt got a dress
anything!
only a shop to the bargain reject store
which i totally doubt would even have one dress in it!!
fuck!
and they asked if i could get a refund from the prom?!!
wat the FUCK man!
they made me missed my graduation party in form 5
a graduation BBQ this year form 6
and now my senior prom!??
FUCK OFF MY DAM LIFE!!

A little angel

2006-10-22T21:09:00.000+08:00

been reading chicken soup this weekend
two whole books of it!
i must say, after first few stories
i stopped crying
maybe i got numb and all
some of the stories bout determination courage and love started to bore me
perhaps i couldn't do it
that was why i didn't really enjoy it
then again
wat reminds imprinted on my mind was a story bout a little angel
it caught me thinking of the angel around me
a darling protecting you from behind without you realising it
i found my angel
but my angel stripped his wings..
and doesnt wan to come near me now
my own angel who runs away from me
or perhaps i've been running away after all
an angel play a significant role
you may or may not see it
the little miracles they've done
you'd probably wont appreciate it
until you lost it..
my little angel
shall never return..

sense of identity

2006-10-19T23:55:00.000+08:00

people been in search of their identity through out their lives
often i wonder
wat's my talent?
wat made me, me?
wat's my purpose in life?
would i get through life in rich fulfillment
or just merely waste away
even as i get older
things seemed more complicated and harder to understand
there were times i wish i was brain dead
seeing people's suffering made me feel how fortunate i am
but on the other hand
i wish there weren't people more unfortunate than i am
complicated as it seems
i wonder
am i doing my life right?
i hadnt seem to achieve something in my life
how do i achieve it?
where do i start?
how do i start?
with all these questions
i might as well do nothing at all
then again
it's like sitting there and waiting to rot
i cared for every little things in life
why shouldnt i care bout the every BIG things in my life?
i would i be unreasonable on the little things and overlook the big things?
i dunno..
doesnt these little things made me for who i am today
and my accomplishment in nothing made me ignorant to the BIG things in life
if life was easy to understand
then god must be slacking off
the quest of an identity is a life long process
i just need to figure out
wat's my path
one question one answer
yet
im still unable to answer that..

the bigger aspect in life

2006-10-19T22:38:00.000+08:00

am i a nuisance?
am i nothing but annoyance?
recently,
i have got this feeling
though people reassured me that it's not true
i do feel im a burden to people
in a way
the point of my existence irritates people
i felt invisible
even if im not around,
it's not like people had noticed
then again,
my disappearance made it opportunity to others to gossip bout me
whether or not i did wrong
whether or not i goofed off
i minimised my habit of clinging to people
or seeing people
or smsing people
yet
it seemed that
with my little contact, little sms
still,
people still wan more privacy away from me
those 'what if' questions start to pop out of my head
maybe my existence was not meant to be
if the world hadnt had me
it would probably be a better place
this sort of feeling can't be helped
it can only be overcome by my own self
well
it's not like anyone would wanna help me get over it
pathetic as it seemed
i do depend on frens ALOT
yet..
one by one is fading away
it made me wonder
maybe i dun deserve or am worthy enough to have a fren
i mean
maybe i treat them like shit
i guess i am..
bitch and all
i probably back to square one
all this question bout betrayal and traitor and deceit
can't be blamed
i guess im not the good fren material
seeking the purpose of life is harder than i though
reminds me bout the time i heard on the radio
'everybody needs a fren'
yeah, i totally need a fren
yet
im losing them all at once..
sigh..
frens.. where to get them?
im not surprise if one day i lost my sanity
i do wish to lose it though
so i wont have to think straight
no worries no problem
because im already out of my mind
i wish somebody could hug me and reassured me that everything's okay now..
then again
im wishing too much
no one could love me for the bitch that i am
frens..
need them but can't want them..
let me go hide in my lonely corner now..

words.

2006-10-17T19:11:00.000+08:00

words are just words.
forgot where i read that from..
must be one those those words from literature
words are just a fancy item where it can be easily used for deceit, manipulate etc etc
mm.. totally agree
i wonder what's its like to look into somebody's eyes to see the sincerity in their words?
serious,
how do you look into people's eyes?
all i see is a black circle haha!
whose words would you believe?
of course, you prefer to hear it from an authority figure
one of whom you would rather trust
let's take the taiwan incident
words from his mouth seemed to be mistrusted now
how did it happen?
hell, i dunno
i hadnt pay attention to the news haha!
words words words..
it's so easy to bluff somebody
but then again
how do you convince other with your words?
god, i just had my muet speaking test today
and may i say how terrible i did!!
never had i been in a group discussion where as nobody speaks up!
how am i going to control the flow of idea of the group without dominating the whole conversation
that's hard
it was totally a disaster
oh well,
may consider retaking it next year
words words!
would would you choose to believe?
you heard too many stories before
so how do you tell them apart
from the lies and deceit to the truth and honest
trust your heart
and believe what you wanna
hold to your belief
you must trust yourself more than others
im not saying relying on your intuition
but by your senses
all of them!
i wish to believe people i love and trust
lies or not
i dun care,
because i rahter be caught dead in their lies rather than being apart from judgeful people
do not judge others
judge yourself first
totally well said!

yet, another update

2006-10-10T18:25:00.000+08:00

shortly after i blogged the previous post
i realised at the end of the post
i did the blaming thing again
in which i was restraining myself from
anyhow
i think i should GROW UP
and MATURE
from this whole thing
so i shouldn't take it all in
words are merely words
so why take them so seriously
unless it's the truth
maybe, because it was the truth
that was why i was pissed
OR
i began to believe the rumours are true..
if i'll ignore
maybe it'll go away
well
at least sooner or later
high school life is gonna end soon
so why dun i make the best out of it
and make out with people
the only problem now is to have the people to accept me
which takes time
i shouldnt rush people in forgiving or accepting me
i guess i'll try to patiently wait
i hope i can
im sorry.

Oops, i did it again!

2006-10-10T13:11:00.000+08:00

phew, after hours of mindless gaming (yes, back to the old life)
pampering myself with hairdos and treatments
showering mother care to my baby cat(neko's choking senselessly and still is)
i think i was able to retain back some consciousness, senses, and etc
looking back at previous post
it's totally one sided
without considering the feelings of others,
well at least it's gotta be since it's MY rambling blog
then again,
it revealed the selfish side of me
i am, after all, defending and protecting myself..
clearing my head of the whole incident
who was to blame exactly?
NOBODY!
it just seemed to happen to the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time and at the wrong impression
everything that's put together is just a MISMATCH

so EXACTLY how can i make this better
ask a stupid question and you get a stupid answer,
the answer is; THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
time is still the best solution to all
i remember in chinese literature,
'put your unsolved problems to tomoro and tomoro will make it better'
i guess that's the only way to go

i guess i got too much when i start to feel hatred and pointing fingers
it's probably caused by the emotion overdrive
i do have been in the washing machine concerning my feelings
and yes, rumours and gossips still bites me in the back
seriously, i cant change another's perspective since they do not know me
they only judge me based on other's judgement of me
i hardly know myself
if what i did was wrong
then why did i do it?
was it to agitate someone?
challenge someone?
NO!
i did it all in respect of my feelings
why would i force myself to do something just to tick someone off?
LIKE I HAVE THE TIME TO DO IT!
i wouldn't even wanna waste my time on that!
it happened spontaneously
suddenly
i mean, i won't deny the fact that i find him (current bf) pleasant
but to be with him wasn't input in my mind yet
i was still stranding around with life
until i fell for his kindness
what surprised me is taht we began shortly after that
i was gonna give it a few weeks to observe my feelings,
but it amazed me few days then we end up together
things took a turn when he and i turn out to be the same kind of people
one that took seriously of what's happening 'now'
'now' that we like each other, 'now' we'll be together
no time a waste
i won't say im toying him
i won't say im serious either
we're not intimately close
it's sometimes like not having a bf at all
but i dun mind
it's what i like now
but if it hurts someone (which i know now it does)
i had considered ending it
but would it be fair?
NO!
it's totally biased
so i won't touch that sensitive topic for now

to 'k',
im sorry i said those cruel things before
i guess i wasnt fair to you in our previous relationship
there wasn't a thing i did to make it up to you
though you hurt me
i shouldn't say a thing about it
after all
it's your pay back time
i know you would say soemthing to defend saying you didn't intend to hurt me
but in the defensive line
you did hurt me
intentionally or unintentionally
consciously or unconsciouisly
words are a powerful weapon
and people who took them in
suffer horribly
i took them in,
took them all in
paid a high price for it
i know it's not a time to amend things
so im avoiding you
yes, im escaping from truth
im avoiding you all i can
to avoid you means i have to avoid your frens too
do you know how much your frens love you?
being by you side, protecting and defending you
but hurting me in the process??
words are powerful
im disgusted by how much you reveal my weakness to others
but since it's the truth (and another half lies too)
i can't do anything about it
hopefully i'll mature in all of this
and ignore your spreading words of me to others
and stop crying..

yet, another poem

2006-10-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

murderer

the beast you summoned
arised from within
restrain your conscious
let evil take in

a psycho path
to call it short
kill no remorse
then put on more salt

the hypocrite you are
though you try to hide
you call upon athena
but thy being me

mindlessly numb
victim to all
hands of blood
not a sea can wash

move with the motion
that is the key
control the wave
where taunting begin

rumours, gossips
boy, you're so smart
stripped off innocence
cruelty at heart

a little at first
not noticable
one spreads a hundred
my name is no more

at least i know you
in less expected way
now uglyness revealed
so who is the fool?

played me a fool

2006-10-09T22:13:00.000+08:00

i always wonder
in this whole incident
who was the fool of it all?
it hadnt come across me until today that,
i WAS the fool!
someone once said to me
knowing people's true face,
makes me the winner because i lived through it, and survived it
however,
i think it's the other way round
because they (traitors, liars, backstabbers , or in this case the people around me or involved during 'the' incident)
intend to let you see their 'truth' towards you
hurtful and devastating it is
there is nothing i can do to stop it

so who IS the victim in this circumstances?
well, it really depends on which side you're on..
if you're on my side (or just trying to kiss my ass)
you'd probably say (not think) that my actions were appropriate
if you're on his side ( close frens, his social circle, watever)
you'd probably dished me

the difference between dishing me behind my back and dishing me but i found out.
you dished me behind my back i would probably never know and never get hurt
wat you dunno won't hurt after all
but if i totally find out (which i find it stupid)
the pain is excruciating

To 'k', (again?)
i do not know who to trust right now,
who is telling me lies, who is just being an ass or a jerk
because i'd been hearing stories, too many stories
and it's totally clashing with the stuff you told me
not to say i dun take your word for it
im now VERY defensive for the pain that's already been caused
do you THINK that you're the only victim now?
whether you intentionally or unintentionally, consciously or unconsciously inflicted mental wounds on me, i seriously do not know
what i do know is,
you can't stop it from happening
so you're saying that you did not make my life a hell
but the fact is,
you already did.
knowing you is probably the best thing that happened in my life
i never found any person more courteous than you
and more profound than you
i admired you
looked up to you
however,
now, i just wish i NEVER knew you.

a poem

2006-10-08T09:08:00.000+08:00

this was a poem i did in july 2005
kinda reflect how im feeling these few days..

The struggle of the soul

i can't breath
nor can i see
what lays ahead
all fears and pain
the experience of life
what's meant to be

but what have i learn
all pain and no gain
the battles i fought
the strength to move on
no will i live on
what's life to me?

bring forth the tears
hidden deep within
why hadnt i shown
the torture of soul?

i struggled and smile
put on my best show
but deep inside
a damn i dun shove

a heart i lost
in a forgotten time
a web of fantasy
that's where i lie

under a shield
of self consciousness
what have i done
to my shameless self

all lies no truth
what can i tell
no trust binded
that's all foretold

trapped in fear
just as said
as fear itself
is fear instead

words are just words
what's to decribe?
made to make worth
all lies b'come true

the torture of soul
how predictable
for feelings alone
dun move the world

hide your self well
do not get hurt
for the road is still long
the journey is still hot..

crappy poem that i did more than a year ago, dun really have literature blood in my veins

Frustration released?

2006-10-06T19:53:00.000+08:00

today was kinda pleasant..
which was kinda surprising as well
i tot i'd probably be in turmoil
but it did turned out kinda okay
i wonder if i temporary got it out of my system
at least i do get to concentrate on my exam a while which was so dam hard!
i had to leave sch early today because i feel that the longer i stay in sch
the more emotionally involved i am
i used to find the sch to be a tranquil place
my sanctuary away from problems
now that the problem is in sch
i seriously do not know where to find peace
home was never a place of peace
and now that i am grounded
i dun think i can find it anywhere else
i feel much more inward
keeping most to myself
it's hard to find someone you trust these days
its hard to identify between enemies and friends
so i guess it's best not to bother and live with it
i'll just have to watch my step and not to be suck into the cruel world
i'll touch you but never feel you..
that's my new principle..
just in case i get hurt
but i feel it's pathetic
because i'll never learn wat true frenship are
but who would care of the bullshit
since sincere frenships are hard to get nowadays
its a basic principle of i-use-you-you-use-me now
anyhow
i just hope i live through
and get the last laugh
haha.

One of those days..

2006-10-05T19:29:00.000+08:00

today is one of those days i wish i never got up to
maybe it was a good idea to cut the crap
and be the pig i am and continue sleeping
but NoOo i had to be hardworking and go to school to study
only to face those nasty rumours, more stabbings and more enemies
i do not know what are so called 'friends' anymore
or merely,
i do not know how to choose frens
or worse,
the problem came out from Me!, me and ME!
this friend thing must been an issue in all my life
it's like
hard to find a sincere person taht's really pure from the heart
betrayal, used, treason!
in a relationship, i think it could be that i have become selfish
at first, i'll give you unconditional advantage against me
as time goes by
the taking advantage thing goes out of hand
and instead of frenship
i feel used.
and this sort of feeling would get me insecure
because i know
that once i am of no more use to the person
they'll dump me
ditch me..
i always talk about expanding my social circle
i never realised that i do have many acquintance
all i have to do
is befriend them more
but i know
to break into a frenship circle thats already been built for so long
is hard
that's why for me, making new friends is hard
maybe i should hide in my corner for the rest of my life..
bitter life it is..

To 'K',
thanks ALOT!
you have now succeeded in making my life a living hell!
i guess your revenge doesn't end here.
because you won't be satisfied with just making me miserable!
you wan me raw, you wan me suffering
my soul has to be in flames just to present at your feet as a sacrifice
if that's you wan, that so be it
it's not like i can do anything to stop it
i guess this is punishment for me who doesnt even deserve to live

i wish for a new beginning in life away from here
since my leave wont matter
no heart that cant bear for my departure
i wont be hesistant to leave
the problem would be,
would i ever be accepted in a new place as how i was never accepted in a place i've been for so long?
the answer is NOT
but what can i do?
this is life
life that chose me
fate that kills me

Correction

2006-10-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

i noticed earlier when i post about my big breakup with my latest ex
that i said i could never get over him,
and that the next guy i'm dating is going to be a substitute
i MUST make it clear that
I TOTALLY GOT OVER HIM!! AND AIN'T NO GUY IS A SUBSTITUTE!!
like i said, i didnt love enough,
you can't blame me for saying stuff that'll happen in the future
who knows what the future holds
i could say that im gonna be a porn star and a bikini model
but it doesnt mean that its gonna happen, is it!?
the first thing you should know is,
you should not, i repeat, SHOULD NOT
believe too much in stuff that happened months ago
MONTHS AGO!!
i tell you, im in ever changing moods every single day and week and monthss
so be up to date and dun go thinking im such a nincumpuk who lost her sanity during blogging
well, sometimes i do blog when i lost my sanity hahaha
so dun go taking my words that i blog months ago too seriously!!

oh yeah, the roses the guy gave me, planning to throw away,
the roses start to stir up some stink fest
he mp3 player macam dah rosak haha
so yeah, i actually have nothing to remember him upon
i do know that he's back in kl and i guess must be online online larr
but i guess he'll eventually block me
i dun mind though
i guess i think haha
at least, the likes of him is at the back of my mind

someone is troubling me though
after all
who wans to live knowing that someone in this world hates you? no, right?
anyhow
i think i have to bear with it
till he understands
which i dun think will happen anytime soon
but if he still persist to act so
i might burst my bubble and give him a slap!!
wake up!!!
YOU WERE THE ONE THAT SAID YOU'LL PROTECT ME UNTIL ANOTHER GUARDIAN COMES ALONG!!
NOW YOU'RE SAYING THAT ME HAVING ANOTHER BF IS USING YOU!!
CUT THE CRAP AND WAKE UP!!
YOU ARE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!!!
I HARDLY CLAIM ANYONE AS ONE
EVEN 'SHE' ISNT ONE!!!
ANYHOW IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS
I DUN EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING
IT APPEARS LIKE YOU NEVER KNOW ME
SO BE IT,
HAVE IT YOUR WAY
SHIT!

Because of you

2006-10-03T19:00:00.000+08:00

.. right
i was going to say adios to my blogging life
because logging in could be such a havoc
yap! that's right, i hate logging in, just as i hate logging into frenster
it takes too dam long time!
by the time it has loaded in,
my inspiration are all on off mode

but i do think its necessary to blog this
in a way
i cant say im trying to redeem myself, yet it could be too
but i was planning to blog this last week but got too dam busy with some dam shit art project

'misunderstood, yet it's an understatement'
is my sentence of the day
i did not stop blogging because everything exciting has stop happening in my life
i merely stop blogging because i dun get a hold of the computer anymore and cos i find a pain to log in
any way,
To 'K',
you were NEVER a substitute !
to me, you hold a special place in my heart..
mm.. people asked me, why can't i accept you again?
the answer is simple, i could never find the courage to love the second time.
i once heard someone say, that the bravest thing one could do is to love again
i used to think its absurd
but ironically its true, no wonder 'he' could never accept me again, not that i hadnt got over him, i already did.
i see now, you found out
my little secret,
yes i have engaged myself in another relationship
in a way i felt i betray you (because i clearly knew how you felt)
but i wanted to give myself a chance
to have a very very casual relationship
one that i feel i wont be bound to one
a VERY VERY carefree relationship
where i wont consider the future
or any strings attached
the kind that i dun wan to go in too deep
but i dun think you'll understand
beccause i know you're already in too deep
and being too 'in' too deep is wat i wanna avoid right now
that's why i chose him
i know you hate me
called me a BITCH
but i guess im unforgivable
im not going steady in a relationship
like i told you before, i wanted to have a stable relationship, one that'll last for years
ever since the last breakup
i think its not possible to happen any time soon
that's why im planning to have light casual carefree, not bound, not attached, not too close relationship
anyhow
there's nothing much to say t o bail myself out of htis mess
so i'll end here
whether you will get over it or not.

working out

2006-07-11T22:26:00.000+08:00

another day another terror
i realise that, no one comes to visit my blog anybody
so it doesnt matter if i grumble or moan
in a way
my fren was right
in the end, you're left alone
in facing daily problems
you solve it
but if you caught in between
you'll be eventually alone and thats when you dunno who to sought
problems are unique
you cant tell it to all
i hate ppl who dwell ever so long on the same problems over and over again
i think im sort of that person to
does that mean i need a slap on the cheek?
opening to problems is the beginning to changes
i realise ppl tend to blame otehr for mistakes
nobody wans to admit that it could be our own wrong
even if we're willing to admit
it doesnt mean we'll change
i kinda understand how von feels when i couldnt get over 'him'
its the same frustration i feel for my other fren who still cant get over a guy and even plans to hurt him
we're same
but in a way
i feel we're differnt too
i know he didnt dump me for cheating against me
it was for a reasonable reason
so why should i hold my anger against him?
we're frens after all
wat i dun understand is
ppl tend to hurt others when they dun get wat they wan
face it
life is complicated
if ppl always had wat they wan
they probably wouldnt have felt the joy of all joys
and the feeling of achieving it
ppl are silly
they tend to give good advice but practice otherwise

i do have problems controling my temper
after exploding i think back and feel its my wrong
but its dignity hwo refused me to apologise
i do try to control
i realise there is a teeny weeny change in me
i do think twice before exploding which is good
ppl still think that im unreasonable
but it doesnt matter
as long as i myself know that
i did change for the better
only at a real slow speed
but they need not know that
because only myself know me
watever i say wont make you change the way you think of me
so why bother?

true i hate the bitch (my faggot sister)
but she has her good sides too
though its very little hehe
but it deosnt mean i dun care bout her
i still respect ppl's feelings (though ppl cant tell)
watever we do we must think openly
though i must say my little sister got in my nerves
(though she normally doesnt)
for without reason already is blaming me for something she already judged as me
things has its lots of perspectives
though i really got pissed for being accused at and shouted at f0r all of a sudden
i cant say she's wrong because she was thinking form her perspective
in a way
you can say she's selfish, she believes too much in wat her eyes tell her and wat she believes me to be, a bad guy
and im selfish too, i had to curse her just to get rid of the bad mood she caused for shouting at me
i find ppl who tell me TOO MUCH of her family problem is really a pain in the neck
so me telling my frens my family relationship problem also could be a pain in the neck
tahts why i decided to blog it rahter than telling it
its not that anybody would enjoy the ramblings of my blog
so this will be my ignored blog that me myself only know
god bless the ppl around
and please bestow me the open heartedness to forgive and understand ppl's mind
so that 'she' can be open too before is start slapping her awake

im back

2006-07-08T19:34:00.000+08:00

i guess now you can say im entirely back!
with new found confidence (actually its whackiness!!)
though i do have problems in handling my social life
but im trying to amend it ^^
god my english gotta improve
the teacher so mean go say me wrong this and that in front of so many ppl sob sob...
my relationship with my family.. well...
i still hate that bitch of all bitches, pretense of all pretense, the thorn up my spine, the stab in the heart the super bitch among bitches
though i myself is a bitch
but i really not setanding with the super bitch
even yvonne is not setanding with the super bitch
though yvonne is the bitch princess
pun not setanding
there are two kinds of bitches
one is the fucking bitch
and the other is the well, you can say entertaining bitch
as you can see
fucking bitch is the annoying selfish full of fuck bitch
and super bitch is in this category
well
speaking bout bitches
her bitching every single day is reminding me how much i wanna get my own room
or better, my own place!!
well
it'll soon be my time
and i cant wait
4 more months and im out of her fake bitching territory
then another 6 months later im out of her bigger bitching territory
yay!!
only 10 months to go
god that sounds so far
but together with the other bitches' help
we will be able to bitch her out of her bitching business
man, hearing her bitching voice makes me feel restless
mm..
well..
hope she can sleep with all the bitching hehehehe.. (and no, im not planning something sinister)

moving on

2006-06-26T22:09:00.000+08:00

hi guys and gals!!
as of now, im okay
no trouble sleeping or watsoever (temporary, dunno when's my down moood again)
but still ahve the occasion of talking bout him and our sweet memories of the relationship
(mind you im not talking bad bout him)
okay
moving along
homework well.. let's say i do finsh them..eventually ahahar
just got report card
i wont say its crappy
but its not good either
i guess we need to feel the heat of the upcoming exam to really get the study fire going!!
har har
though i did say i'd quit clubbing (have i even started it?)
but someitmes after going once for the sake of birthday, you'll keep going to the next for the sake of temptation!!
har har
i must say
my old habits are coming
which at first im proud to have quit
but i guess... changing takes LOTS of patience
har har har
the stpm examination is around the corner
and im not thinking of studying yet
instead
im thinking of enjoying the life after exam
....right
if i'd ever survive it har ha r har!!

picking up the shattered

2006-06-20T20:51:00.000+08:00

it's been 19 days since the big break up..
i had let go for bout like over one week like that..
it was kinda going smooth despite the few stabs in the heart when i saw his car in damai
but recently
these two days
i have been having trouble sleeping
it's not as bad as before
but,
when im quiet all alone in the room and close my eyes
the memories of us together keep flashing thru
my heart feels empty
then i would climb up to the computer
and eventually the feeling would scatter
but once i have nothing in my mind
i feel empty
yvonne said its just the first step i took from letting go
it doesnt heal that fast
i dunno how long i can keep this up
i have pressed down urges to call him and talk to him..
i think it's for the best
until i am able to press my feelings completely down
then im ready enough to meet him again
if not, i think i'll crumble at the sight of him

today i caught a few glimpse on the book sean's borrow
something bout anger management
ppl do get angry over little stuff
and when you think back
its not worth the fight at all
i notice i do have lots of temper moments
i'll have to find some ways to suppress after all
i got lectured harshly by a teacher today
especially a night without good sleep (yeah, restless cos tots and dreams all bout him only)
i was in a total bad mood
i think i do have to control my manners and anger
but after i take my revenge on the teacher by scratching her car XD

today i kinda got in da attention of frens
it made me real happy
reminds me how much i should appreciate them
though im in a hurry to leave this place
the place of sorrow...
oh gosh, i feeling snuggling against him XD
i know i know.. control control
too much control can make you explode you know..

i'm back

2006-06-18T22:33:00.000+08:00

i used to keep my principle on not blogging bout my love life
but i'm thinking,
i'll make this exception..
this IS something to discuss bout..
poor little bloggie always previewing the down side of my life..
i wonder where the happy side go
so i guess i'll make this an even post
half happiness and half sadness, at least, i'll try

for the first time in my nineteen years living at the edge of taking it casual in relationnships
i finally settle down with a guy (yay!)
actually i did tried to settle down with one or two before, but my bad habits keep coming back, i get bored easily (amuse me)
my relationship, to be honest, was an easy start
perhaps most would htink
relationships that come too easy (especially when you barely know the guy)
usually dun last long
at least, that's wat me and my family thought
to be real honest
from the very start
i tot he would be one that i could stayed with a couple of years together and lifelong is totally impossible
we've been together for a measly one and a half month
one month he was in kl while i was in kk
then the half was when he came back
the first week
i didnt really get too hot into the relationship
yeah i was caught up with the moments we had together
but i knew if this continue on, i'd definitely get bored
at least i tot i would
then came the second week
where he got too involve in my life
he blended in my daily routine easily
i was so used to his company
he offered me wat my past bf can never offer me
i was concentrating too much on wat he can offer me rahter than the relationship itself
and that destroyed the relationship easily
selfishness and total domination
i realised, i never did try to understand how he feel
love can actually change one for the better
but it has turn me into a monster,
manipulating, sulking, lying and creating scenes
is this love of mine true?
some say yeah some say no
but i think..
i did love, but didnt love enough
the same went for him
he loved me, but didnt love enough, that's why he couldnt bear it anymore

the length of time you mourn and got emotionaly involve
doesnt prove how much you love him
it just meant how much you dun wan to let go
if you love a person
you would let hte person go, for the better
yes, love can be selfish,
but not selfish in the way that you wanna possess the person, freedom and all

love is a big thing, of which im not worthy enough to say
i think i got even more depress when i knew the reason of the big breakup
because i knew, i caused all this
unknowingly, i crossed the line
not everyone could put up with my 'scenes'
at least, i finally know

thinking back
i dun regret mourning over the loss of him
the stupid things i did
the only thing i'd probably regret was,
bugging him and annoying him
which i think, gave him lots of discomfort
2 days with food and sleep
is really no good for hte body
haha but one can not help it
when i start consuming food
i develop somekind of bullimia-like sickness
i htink i got it controlled
sleeping was terrible for me
the moment i close my eyes
our memories flash through
crying was terrible
my body hydrated terribly that i got terrible sore throat =.=
crying 24/7 was a pain =.=
every where i go every wehre i stay
there were memories of us
it hurts me
i could do nothing
first time in my life
the pain was so excruciating that i couldnt feel my body

then i calm down
i gave myself false hope
that perhaps one day he'll come back to me
consciously i know he wont take me back (he did made it clear)
subconsicously im in denial..
it made me remember how sweet he was to sing for me..
the songs..
i kept play back and back on the mp3 player he gave me
the roses he gave me, with a card that says 'i love you'
i was calm.. all i need was the mp3 player with the song 'Pink - who knew' and 'chiense song - waiting for you (our song XD)' to accompany thru the lonely times

it was one night when i lost it
when i was bored
looked for his for company, as a fren
msging him stirred up my emotions
especially when i cant feel the 'love' thru the msg from him anymore
i crossed the line and said 'i love him'
the next day i said it again
he lost his cool got disturbed and told me its USELESS
the wound was cut open again..
stabbing stabbing stabbing...
i cried...
again...
and again..
was alone needed accompany
a fren did came
but it was useless..
i went online
chatting with an old fren who drop to say hi after seeing my disturbing nick
briefly describing the whole situation
he merely told me that i oculd do it, that i could make it
that when i believe... i could let go
before this, i couldnt let go, or in better words, i DIDNT wan to let go
to let go was to never be together again

then i know.. yes, the only way to let go..
suddenly i could, again see the future i always wanted
(when i broke up, i oculdnt see any future without him, you know, like, without him i'd die)
now i finally let go
i do still think alot of him..
memories are alot, though the time we were toghether was short, but really, he was very involved in my life
it scares me to think taht time would make memories fade
every day i got better
but every day memories fade little by little
however, i want him to be a part of my life
now, and forever
just like you promised,
only this time, its as a fren
i'll love you forever, even though it's just as a fren
i love you too, all the ppl that helped me thru
i do realise i have alot of frens
when the world is lonely,
its actually cos you lock yourself in your world
ppl who you just tot of as acquintance, really actually think you as fren
why not put more time to know them as lifelong frens

oh yeah
there are times when i still get a little emotional
hey there are event too that reminds me too muych to handle!!
for instance,
yesterday went clubbing
seeing fren's bf calling and msging them cos being worried and all
i got the sniffles.. i do like to be worried and controlled, especially by the guy you love
the next day i got up not really feeling myself
that at least 1% of me that hadnt gave up yet
thats why my hp still kept the msgs i hadnt delete before our breakup
and msgs during our breakup
and msgs after our breakup
the handphone im using is my cousin's
had to return to him today
so bye bye to msgs
im sad to have to delete it
but i think, its for the best
yet, nobody can touch the roses with the card and mp3 player he gave me!!
DUN YOU PPL DARE TOUCH IT!!!
ps; i still keep the cinema ticket of the only movie we watched together
hehehe
i do still go gaa-gaa over cute guys
but relaiontship, well, its at the back of my mind
if i do get into one anytime soon, i'd probably treat the guy as a replacement or just fooling aorund
i wonder if i ever confused the idea of love and love inself (shakespeare)

right now i just want to complete my form 6 the sooner hte better and get overseas ASAP, and start anew
oh yeah,
i wan him to be my buddy
though verbally he had agree
i wonder if he dares to have tea with me
well
its best to give him time
haha
after all, i did went crazy when i was in denial..

an ass of an attitude

2006-04-19T22:53:00.000+08:00

i know i have been a first class bitch
just that i dun wanna admit it
this bitchy attitude can't seemed to be stop
in a way i dun think i wanna stop,,
perhaps im looking for attention..
a nobody in a somebody crowd?
ish.. tell you if somebody finally told me off..

oh look my prediction came true

2006-03-10T13:57:00.000+08:00

previously i have been talking bout how life is down on its pits
here i am to prove how right i am again
okay here's the thing
i failed my most important paper and yet i dun feel a thing
in stead
i feel the pain coming out of having to do much more homeowk and stuff
okay
so i guess now you think its the time i should change
wrong again!
i am who i am
like it or leave it
do life matter to me you say?
well let's put it this way?
sometimes i realy dunno
heck so lostttt
i fail ooo wonder if my mother would let me quit school though
enough is enough more of it just brings in painm

recently i have this tendency of making ppl angry
yeah i notice that i have an arse of a temper
a little of this then fuck alittle of that then fuck agian
ppl keep asking me bout this fucking business
yeah i gues its time to change a lil of my attitude agian
true enough i agree with those who say i should change
change to wat
a pretense girl with great manners

Perhaps it's destiny

2006-03-10T13:49:00.000+08:00

these few days has been in its pits
i really forgotten the meaning of life
perhaps its the daily toils and snares that's gotten me in between
not that i wan to complain all the time
but in the end i cant stop whining
my pride stands too high and i seriously forgotten my purpose
ppl say that it's the mind taht is playing tricks on us
and some of the causes would be hormones
but really, wat is it?
have i gotten sick and tired of life?
the same old same old routine that's driving each and every one of us crazy?
i guess so
the answer lies in yourself ppl say
but heck, who realy gives that of a realy good damn?

i have become tired and tired of studying
in a way
i dun think i really did study at all
perhaps i am not study material
watever it is
i just dun wan to go to school anymore
i dun think life's worth the living in the things that you dun appreciate
perhaps this is wat i have chosen and would really regret but the thing is
its hard to change who i am
who i am really
changing makes ppl frustrating and losing self identity along the way
nobody wans that
and yet, i lost mine.

Life...

2006-02-24T20:18:00.000+08:00

moving on to maturity.. right.. age 19..
im officially old, ppl constantly like to remind me that
yet, my soul feels somewhat immature..
my body..well. let's just say that i get frequent aches..

this year reflects on how much i developed...
im not so sure if its a good thing or bad
in some way, i feel i gain more liberty, in the same way, more ppl despices me
perhaps i really do have an attitude problem
whether i wan to admit it or not
it's still a stone cold fact...

when i gain a new fren, i gain a new enemy..
frustration is written all over my face..
i dunon wat i strive for..wat to live for..
im getting tired with this kind of life...
i see my dreams on other ppl.. it makes me disgusted..

its too overwelming till i start hoping for death
perhaps a near death experience will make me appreciate life more
better yet, death sends a good relief..
i really dun mean in a suicidal way, readers.
i was thinking something more natural, something much more out of the blue,
soemtimes, while im walking down the road, i wonder if a car would crash into me
when im driving in the car, will i crash into the truck in front of me? (i like the sensation when i speed towards the truck and brake mendadak)
will i suddenly have canser or life taking sickness
heck, death could be a positive thing you know..

lord give me straength to live,i truly dunno how long i can take this.... pease dun give me a reason to live then crush it in front of me.. im too fragile at the moment...

someone once said,
to be loved is most wonderful
but to me,
to be cared for is most wonderful..

New year, new resolution

2006-01-02T13:09:00.000+08:00

today is the..oh, 2nd of jannuary 2006..right

wayyyy toooo late for my new year entry hahahaha
i guess i either had too much fun or just plain bored and lazy
let's just say that i'm stuck in between
this entry supposedly gonna be filled with the happenings of the past few days for as you can see
i hadnt did much update did i?

tomoro is when the dam skool reopens and guess wat?
i hadnt did a single assignment
at least, i hope that everybody else did the same
at least all eyes wont be on me hahahhaha
then again im suppose to be the guai guai type....right.

my uniform i hadnt had it fix ooo or is fix the right word?
noticed a lot of unexpected changes in major frens
seems that they have become something that i'll never expect them to be hahah
which is pretty shocking yet amusing
at least, they did change for the better,.....i think

had been out and coming home past midnight hahhaa
i smashed the car with the house gate again
this time the back door, well, let's just say we had to change the door hahahaha
couldnt drive for a weeek
and dad didnt wanna talk to me
i heard my mum say he was waiting for me to apologise though but i hadnt really got the guts
when i finaly wanna spill my guts dad started talking to me like normal again
phew, bad for me for not apologising but good for me my dad 'upgrade' the car
we have a CDMP3 VCD player!!!!!!
now all we need is a TV MONITOR!!!!!
then nobody wanna get down from carrie anymore
nyahahahhah

this year dun have fire works ooo
oh drat
but at least the fun fair has come down to town
nyahahahahahahahahahahhaha
expensive though
had quite a blast last night
but money also flow away like blood
sigh....

well now to go back to homework konon

oh yeah new year resolution,
get the laptop and pass stpm with flying colours so on so on..

Carols by candlelight

2005-12-21T18:38:00.000+08:00

went caroling in church yesterday
the main church that is !

instead of us moving from house to house
we're singing in church and lotsa ppl looking at us

did alot of numbers
a problem with one song though
hahahahah made a fool outta ourselves
i kinda like the attention
especially during the last song with the help of some young dummer
made sooooooooooooooooooooo i dunno----- cool!!!
flt kinda high feel like going clubbing pula =.=
after that some youth were playing some rock pop christian song i dunno
and well i got carried away by jumping around
hahah
i think i attracted too much attention to myself
Fr louis kessel attended the carols too!!!
man, we hugged and he lifted me up utterly high wow
so strong though he kinda aged liao (no offense )
and by that, i think attracted another too much attention hahahahaha
so far so good my mood recovering ever since the carrie incident
she got her operation today
but she need to heal (be painted) i guess it will be done tomoro
heh

Not again

2005-12-21T18:29:00.000+08:00

sigh...

i dented the car again
this time it's serious upon serious....
the whole side back door is smashed
dad won't let me touch the car for one day
but i have no guts to drive the car liao...
phobia..right
you notice i only got accident when im at home
what the hell am i doing????
why only at home arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
continously too much
i feel a little bad for pissing my dad off
but i feel REALLY bad for hurting my second baby, carrie....

i was devastated....
depression wont leave me
th scar on carrie was like a scar in my heart
then
i found out my dad was gonnna fix the car
thus i feel much better
for my dad i recover way tooo fast
im suppose to be cover in guilt and all
but i guess this is a bit too much but i feel better already
thanks to god
amen!

Christmas and Carol

2005-12-10T19:11:00.000+08:00

for you ppl's information...

im going be caroling in kota kinabalu's gaya streeet with my church choir!!
yeah, i'll be easy to spot cos....
i'll be one of the only trio that would be wearing a reindeer hat
wheee
so cute ooo the hat

bummer, caroling starts next week horrr
hopefully can see some leng chai + leng luis
and collect can drinks from them hahahahahha
hopefully lots of htem offer coca cola hahahahaha
im gonna bring a bagpack to put the drinks inside hahahahahahaha

christmas coming up and got christmas dance at tanjung aru beach hotell horrrr
wonder if im going or not
entrance fee so expensive but im sure a lot of idealistic cute guys would be there
can satisfy my sight hahahahhahaha
and not to mention, DANCE AND PARTY ALL NIGHT!!
maybe can see some leng chai lui dance their booty out yay!!!

i'll be heading to kl next year april
should be fun i guess
10 days trip and it's suppose to be a school day
that means i skip sch muahaha
the only problm is hopefully its not exam week hehee
i dun mind failing the subject seeing im such aaaaaaa bbbbbbrrrrighhhhhhhhhht student!
......RIGHT!

holiday.. more like boo-liday

2005-12-10T19:04:00.000+08:00

yay i dun have work anymore
boooo i dun have any income anymore
though i do try the old method
stretch hand out and ask dad 'money?'

but parents are such harsh these days
especially when a special event is coming up...
CHRISTMAS!!!!
yeah everybody wants a piece of presentssssss
which reminds me i hadnt got anything for anybody yet
well due to emptiness in pocket
all my income goes to well, self pampering la!!!!
yam cha too much liao

sighhhh homework is flowing endlessly and i hadnt even start doing projects and assignments
oh no!!!!
but i dun have time wat
see tuition 15% then practice caroling 20% then the rest is go out hang kai and yam cha and entertainment 50% the remaining 15% is..sleep or just plain lazy
where got time to study hor??
.....right.

holiday is jsut an excuse for teacher to give us students more homework
and wow, their strategies are quite good you know

i wannna go party horrrrrrrrrrr
bought a new skirt liao
and the yellow gown that i have been eyeing on still there horrrr
10% discount only still cant buy
hopefully nobody buy it horrr

Away Carrie!

2005-11-24T22:24:00.000+08:00

look what reckless driving has befold before me
....right
for the, i dunno, 4-5th time i banged into my dad's car
it's weird huh..
of all the places
i banged into my dad's car
not once, not twice but 4-5 times!
it could be jinxed...
somemore it's like, the same place...
okay, here's the deal
after the hit, you should be like, more cautious right?
somehow, just an hour later,
when i was backing the car
i kinda like, forgot to look out for the left side of the car
well in this case, the side mirror..
OMG!!! WHAT A BIG SCRATCH!
actually my house gate suffered most here...
...right, rei, you did it again, bummer.

so it's 6 bangs in almost a month and still counting...
im sorry Carrie.. i didnt meant to hurt you...

I've got nothing

2005-11-15T00:55:00.000+08:00

seriously, this could be a better post, as the opening post for my new layout..

it just occur to me that,
i dun matter to her, i've got nothing.

-end of post-

promise you next post would be better.

Don't fall with me

2005-10-30T22:56:00.000+08:00

if you;re prepared for a cheerful lil post then you can hit the close button now..

i originally wanted to record down my happy moments
but i guess
i can be happy for little stuff
but mostly sad for big stuff

i had 3 strikes of unlucky-ness... actually i think it was a 4 stike, guess it couldnt be implied to a baseball match now huh?

ha, i found out the english literature subject that i was fond of (most confident among the stpm subjects), the fact is, I SUCK BIG TIME!
i really worked hard on it
you know, hard works gains its fruit
yeha right!
when you suck, you SUCK!
and just when i thought i was good at it.

2, i was scared bout driving but i tot i was doing okay after a few runs
guess wat
how ironic!
i was praying for a safe journey that i would have a nice accidentless day
then it had to happen
i banged into somebody;s mirror
i might be sue
but the worse part is
I CANT GET OVER IT!
mentally 'scar'ed pfft

3, i tot i was getting along wiht my boss and collegue
i really tot we make a good team
we laugh
and share stuff together
how was i suppose to know htere was fakeness behind it
going behind my back and telling my parents how i got an attitude prob
ouch says my pride and dignity
i always tot i was handling well, guess not
attitude prob
i used to say that to my frens
guess wat!?
the one with the real attitude prob is ME! and i didnt know it!
okay
so i suck with character!!!!!

4, my dad had to say that im such a failure as a human being
okay...

IM OUT!
ka poof!!!!!

in conclusion,
i suck big time in attitude and character, i htink too highly of myself, im stupid, dumb, im worthless and useless, and its best if i dun exist cos the world doenst need anybody as pathetic as me.
the end.
cry your boo hoos and take your hanky away
you might as well mock me rather than cry for me
for i, will only cry for myself

2005-10-22T18:45:00.000+08:00

buddies forever!!!

2005-10-22T18:44:00.000+08:00

Cool!!!

Total lazyness, bummer.

2005-10-14T21:06:00.000+08:00

yay! for the exams have finished
i used to love exams
you know la, when you're a kid you won't bother to study at all
and exams prevents you from having class whether you're paying attention or not..
and usually exams make you feel like it has cut short your day..

i must have grown out
i dun enjoy exams at all.
well, correct that
'cept for the free periods for studying
i used that for chitter chatter..

good thing that's over. yippee! i think.
what's much more worse than exams are the results
let's not think bout htat yet.

i finally got a dress for prom night
but
i think it's a little too grand
you know what i mean?
having being the organizing committee
i heard many comments about the dress code.. most comment on how grand seniors wore last year..
making me a little hesistate to wear the dress tomoro
btw, i didnt manage to find a dress i like (other than the yellow dress i wanted to buy but my father din not show any means of impress)
so my mother brought me to borrow from a fren's niece.. who's a model..
so you can expect glamour clothes
i was especially careful to try on her 'gucci'
such stuff of the uppercrust =.=

anyways, maple couldnt patch up
so i can't play today
argh=.= other games dun amuse me now either

im getting to bed.
might grow a pimple if i dun=.=
especially on my first prom, right?